I typed up some notes on class tonight, but they’re veering toward too much self-analysis, which leads to perfectionism, and that way lies madness. Madness, I say! Positive self-talk + sleep = a better idea.

Relax and breathe. Be like water.

I’m still super tired, but I’m definitely going to be at class this week. Another girl recently signed a contract with the school. She has about the same length of experience and sounds like she’ll be a good training partner. I’ll probably get to meet her on Monday. So that’s pretty sweet.

The warm-up was pretty basic, though there was some business about jogging and foot-switching at the beginning that I didn’t get until about halfway through. Shrimped down the mat several times, twice between a standing partner’s legs. It seemed to me that being short meant I needed to do more reps and would possibly hold up the line. I was focusing so hard on going quickly that my form was suffering and had to be corrected. (Am I wrong about the reps issue? My partner went next and was the last one on the mat. The correction didn’t take that much time.)

After warm-up we went directly into drilling. In this class we focused on side control escapes. Jason would show an escape a few times, then we’d pair off and drill for a timed round, switching tori/uke duties and switching to new partners every so often. I lost count of how many times we did each technique. It was tiring but so great to be able to do all that work. At the end of class, when we paired off one final time to do a few last reps of every technique, I was surprised to learn we’d only done three side control escapes. It felt more like five or six.

Okay, so here’s the thing. In every school I’ve attended, when the students pair off to drill, inevitably there’s some dead time—someone always wants to get a “quick” drink, adjust the pads for the umpteenth time, or stand around and chat rather than work. It was really great to be in an environment where everyone was working hard and where the only dead time was maybe a ten-second search for a new partner.

I loved the class, in case you couldn’t tell. Drilling like that is exactly what I need. Sadly I was pretty done in by that point, so I didn’t stay for the gi class after. I should probably take up running or something to build a good aerobic foundation … plus interval training.

Still haven’t decided how many times I’ll be able to make it to class a week. I’m leaning toward one or two at the moment. Gas money is an issue; not imposing on my roommates to watch my puppy all evening several nights a week is another. Morning classes in April will solve both issues.

Techniques below the cut.

We drilled three side control escapes, generally coming back to open guard. During the end-of-class review, we drilled these with closed guard.

Basic side control escape:
Your basic shrimp-out escape. Remember not to lock your arms when you hip out.

Elbow-in side control escape:
Set up like the frame-and-bridge escape; keep your elbow tight to your body and slide your free arm through to his opposite hip, sort of blocking his hip with the back of your hand/arm (palm facing outward). Use your points of contact on uke as you shrimp out and swing back into open guard.

Foot-in side control escape to butterfly:
Set up like the elbow-in escape. Shrimp out, then drop your hand from uke’s hip, grab your outside foot, and wedge it on the inside of uke’s near leg. Use that foot to lever yourself into butterfly.

This last technique looks a lot like Jail Break, which I ran across while surfing YouTube for videos of side control escapes. I found a few good ones but decided I’d be better off focusing on what I learn in class. So this class made me doubly happy, both because of the high rep count and the subject matter.

Jonathan discovered my blog a few months after I’d started at GCKC and apparently read the entire thing. He thought it was cool that I wrote about what I was learning, but I asked him not to tell other students about the blog. Partly because it’s kind of dorky, partly because it’s like my safe space to process. As far as I know, no one else from either school has run across it yet, and that’s definitely my preference.

I’m aware that I am in fact writing publicly on the internet; it’s why I’m careful about how I talk about other students and about things that frustrate me. I’m going to continue doing what I’m doing. But I’ve gotten used to having sort of a double “conversation”—one with the BJJ blogosphere, one with my school—if that makes sense.

I’m hoping that the new school at large won’t run across my blog, but it probably wouldn’t be the end of the world if that does happen…

Those of you who blog, do your instructors and fellow students know that you blog? Do they care/read what you write?

I hardly ever check my blog’s email, but Guide to Online School recently listed The Clumsy Ninja among its top martial arts blogs—I squeaked in at #45, the very last one. Heh. Odd that they randomly threw me in with all the traditional and philosophical MA blogs, but whatevs.

Tuesday’s class

The first class at KCBJJ’s new location was on Tuesday at 7:30. Jonathan called me beforehand to make sure I was coming and to give me a little pep talk about joining the school. I still felt rotten but wasn’t going to miss the first class, even if I couldn’t work out.

I arrived before class started and got a parking spot in front of the small strip mall. The school’s not in a super-nice area of town … definitely want to be alert when walking to my car after class (and/or want to arrive way early for every class so as to get a spot in front).

Jonathan greeted me and asked me to take his camera for the duration of the class. I accepted it and settled on a bench to look around.

The facility is pretty bare-bones. The huge window is a nice feature; it provides passers-by with a great view of the mats, although the glass quickly steamed up. There’s some seating and good mat space, more than we had at GCKC. Good thing, too; about thirty guys showed up and they used all of that space. A few were former GCKC students—Wes, Steven, Sheldon, and of course Jonathan, plus Jonathan’s friend Braden.

Jason walked by, said hi to me (and remembered my name, which was nice), and then started class. He gave a little speech and started the warm-up, which included jogging, shrimping, mat swimming, etc. Next, everyone paired up and started doing an extended drill sequence. It involved a bunch of position drills—like, the active driller would drop into scarf hold, then sort of breakdance around and hit the position on his uke’s other side—as well as what looked like a cartwheel pass and standards like armbars. Looked like a great way to drill positioning, footwork, and technique.

No techniques tonight, just positional sparring, since the guys are training for tournaments (I know NAGA’s in St. Louis this month, and we’ve got the next KC Submission Challenge in April).

The guys rolled hard and well—the school has two black belts as well as a handful of purples and blues, and a bunch of the whites seemed pretty experienced as well. The black belts floated and occasionally rolled. I watched and looking for good photo ops.

Near the end of class, everyone lined up. Jason singled out five whites, said a few words, and promoted them all to blue belt. Steven and Wes were among them; I made sure to get some shots. Jason threw the new blues and then sent them back out to roll. I’m really happy for Wes and Steven—they definitely deserved their promotion.

Now that I’m feeling better, I hope to actually participate in a class soon, though I’m still more than a little nervous. Had a great plan to start doing some cardio/interval workouts a few weeks ago—I was doing well with that until my roommate generously shared her cold with me. Pretty sure I’m going to gas during the warm-up and die during rolling. Oh well … they say nothing gets you in shape for jiujitsu like jiujitsu.

Anyway, Jason Facebooked me to see if I was coming in soon, so I’m going to class on Monday. I will of course write about it, assuming I’m not dead.

Hey, everyone! I disappeared there for a while, mainly since GCKC was closed (more on that in a moment). Fear not! I should be able to provide you with some accounts of clumsy ninja-ing in the near future.

A lot has happened since I last blogged. The KC Submission Challenge, for one. It was a big success, so they’re planning another one in April. I worked the tournament and competed in December; I plan to at least work the April tournament, though I’m not sure if I’ll compete this time. I’ll probably write up an account of the December tournament later in which I shall regale you with tales of my glorious and varied sucktasticness.

As I mentioned a few months ago, the school closed down the week of the tournament. At first I thought we were going to find another building, but something better happened. Jonathan let us know what was happening a few weeks ago, but today makes it official. As of March 1st, Ground Control KC is merging with Kansas City BJJ. Internets, this is pretty much the pinnacle of awesomeness! Still, I’m a little nervous.

Awesome!

The consolidation is awesome for a number of reasons. KCBJJ has quality instruction from one of the few (only?) BJJ black belts in the metro area. Jonathan told me they also have a female student who comes occasionally and who might come more often if another girl’s available to work with her. Also, the facility is five minutes up the road from where I work. That makes for a longer commute in the evenings, but once morning classes are offered in April, I’ll be able to get my jits on and then go to the office.

Nervous!

Change is hard for me to deal with … I liked my little school, which had guys I knew I could trust and was five minutes from my home. I’m nervous about trying to fit into a new school and roll with unknown quantities. But I know some of my GCKC guys will be making the switch too—Wes and Steven have been training there for a while—and they’ll keep an eye on me, I hope.

I’m looking forward to getting back in the game. Nervous about it, of course—I’ve rolled informally with a few of the guys who live nearby during the past two months, but my cardio’s nonexistent and I keep forgetting the most basic techniques. I don’t want to be that girl … the one who gasses after one roll and has to be reminded of simple things. More mat time. I needs it.

I am, of course, fighting off a cold, which makes mat time a bad idea at the moment. I’m so lightheaded that I have to look down to make sure I’m not accidentally levitating, ha ha. So I’m going just to drive up to KCBJJ tonight, watch the inaugural class, and start training next week. I might take some notes … aaaand it’s about time for me to go, so I’d better stop typing.

Rolled a bit with Chris and Jonathan. I gassed really quickly and my brain wouldn’t engage. Short class.

I worked out a bit on my own this week and also drew up a fairly simple game plan–about three techniques from each position. There’s nothing I can do about my cardio fitness other than remember to relax and breathe, but I’m hoping I do ok on techniques. I’m not feeling too hot at the moment; have been too stressed to sleep much this week, and my roommate is sniffling AGAIN (allergies? Who knows).

Despite feeling unprepared, I do want to compete, especially since I won’t have many chances to roll this month–the school’s closed for a few weeks while we transition to the new place. We’ll see how I feel tomorrow morning. I’m working the registration desks, so at least I can still help even if I don’t fight.

If I recover at my normal rate, I’ll have about one week to get ready for the tournament, which was about as long as I had to get ready for my last tournament. Sort of wish I had gone to jits last week. Given how I felt then, I would’ve gotten sick, but would’ve recovered in time to have two weeks of prep. Oh well.

We do have two women signed up for the tournament, neither of whom are in my weight or experience class. One is the blue belt I fought at Blackhawk. Maybe a twelve-year-old girl will show up and need someone to fight. I will represent my school well by crushing her face! Unless she outweighs me, which is (sadly) entirely possible.

Eating better is helping. My friend Jennifer knows a lot about nutrition and has informed me I haven’t been consuming enough calories. Those frozen meals, while convenient for the office, do not count as food. I foresee a lot of eggs, salmon, and turkey in my near future. More veggies (bleah) and fruit (woo). Less sugar, and none of it after dark.

Sleeping more would also help. I’ve never been a good sleeper, but I’ve had insomnia for the past few nights, which is just extra fun. Have been a zombie lately. Yesterday I came home after work and crashed for a pre-dinner nap—woke up to darkness, which was quite disconcerting. (Stupid Daylight Savings.) If I could only get one solid night of sleep…!

Besides diet and sleep, there’s the matter of cardio fitness, technique, and game plan. I despair of getting all of those up to snuff in three weeks. Even just doing positional sparring wiped me out and stumped me last week (sweeps and posture breaking eluded me). Felt too nauseous to go through a gauntlet.

I do think my game in general has improved lately. It’s not the training-montage-in-a-movie kind of improvement, but it’s something. When I roll with Jon or Steven, I feel like I know a little jiujitsu. Of course then I roll with one of the bigger/newer guys or have to start from standing—or my training partner hangs back and waits for me to make a move—and then I feel like I know nothing at all. As for how I’ll do in a match against someone my own size…

Every time I think about competing, I get a sinking or lurching feeling in my stomach. I’m convinced I’ll be too reactive or too aggressive, or that I’ll blank out—or that I’ve been so conditioned by just trying to survive underneath the big guys that I won’t realize I can actually do techniques on a smaller person. Trying to tell myself it’ll be good experience doesn’t work; I don’t know yet (and probably won’t know until the day of the tournament) if I’ll even have any matches. One other girl has pre-registered, but she’s not in my weight or experience division.

Argh. I told myself I wasn’t going to get worked up and let the post devolve into whining, but there I go. I really am my own worst enemy. Just stepping out onto the mat is enough to make my instructor and my school proud of me, regardless of whether I fight a blue belt, regardless of whether I lose. I know that. But I set such high standards that I’ve somehow managed to disappoint myself in advance. That’s some serious perfectionism right there. If I weren’t already crying, I’d cry.

Kidding! Not crying! Heh. Though I’ll admit I’m not too happy with my life in general right now. BJJ is one of the few bright spots in my week; when it turns stressful—when my perfectionism makes it stressful—I feel a little cornered.

I think I should have some more homemade soup and cuddle my puppy. Which is what I was doing before I wrote this post, and it seemed to be helping. Technique notes need to be written up, but they can wait.

Edited to add:
I skimmed a few more BJJ blogs and discovered that a bunch of my favorite BJJ chicks/perfectionists have had tough days recently. This post by Allie on dealing with perfectionism really spoke to me.

Small class, just Steven, Chris, Jonathan, and me. Rusty came in later right when Steven had to leave, so we had an even number of students. Had a light warm-up, then drilled escapes from side control and mount. We rolled a few rounds to end.

This class made me think a lot about how reactive my game is, as opposed to aggressive. Part of that’s not knowing much jiujitsu; part of that’s my personality and dislike of risk-taking. I have some thoughts about that as it relates to Rickson Gracie’s zero point philosophy, but it’d be best for me to write them later.

Rolling

Before Jonathan turned the timer on, he told us to formulate a simple game plan, then try to execute it during rolling. I couldn’t come up with anything on the spot or remember what I’d been working on before I had to take time off. So I was already unsure of and unhappy with myself before I slapped hands.

Two rounds straight with Jon. Started from standing two or three times. I’d been thinking I need to start standing, since if I do compete in the tournament I’ll need to strengthen my takedowns. But my mind was completely blank; all I could remember was the single-leg and it didn’t look like I had any good openings. He kept grabbing at my sleeves and I evaded, until finally he stopped and I think encouraged me to attack. Rusty chipped in too: ”Don’t let him play his game. Play yours.”

I thought, But I don’t have a takedown game! It sounded whiny even in my head, if true, so I didn’t say it.

Eventually we got to the ground somehow and restarted from there for the rest of that round. Worked on taking the back a lot. He walked me through the bow-and-arrow choke and something else similar. I got the two confused—went for one, he stopped me and corrected me, and then I was even more confused.

Second round, started standing again. This roll was really tough. Can’t remember the details, but it seemed like either Jon was making me attack a lot or making me defend a lot. When we restarted at 30 seconds left, I felt like I was going to die. He let me work a bow-and-arrow. I was panting like I’d just run a marathon and could barely finish it—had a little bit of his collar in my fingers, which was somehow enough to make him tap. Then I just lay there gasping. I think he or someone else asked me if I was okay a few times. I don’t know what I said, I just wanted whoever was talking to go away and leave me alone.

Afterward I felt really fuzzy-headed and out of it, a little like you do after getting choked out. Thirty more seconds of rolling and I definitely would have collapsed or possibly passed out.

Jon said he wanted to push me and that I did a good job for being out for two weeks. If I’d been pushed this hard any other week, I would’ve left feeling exhilarated, educated, and challenged. Instead I just wanted to cry. Barely made it out of the gym without tearing up. That’s not Jon’s fault—he hadn’t been going for many submissions or chokes in favor of letting me work, and he’d patiently walked me through some techniques. The thing is that I’ve been stressed about some major life stuff these last few weeks. I don’t want to offer explainations because they will sound like excuses, and things have been getting better lately. Still, I’m emotionally exhausted. Add having no cardio after a long break and being under yet more stress in the shape of psyching myself up for a tournament, and I’m about ready for a meltdown.

But I plan to go to class tomorrow. Things will be better after a good night’s sleep, and when all’s said and done, BJJ is one of the bright spots in my week. What is it about this sport that makes you feel like crap and still compels you to come back for more…?

Techniques below the cut.

Techniques

Knuckle-under side control escape: standard.

Back-door side control escape: once you’ve bridged up, hook uke’s far shoulder with your hand as you slide out toward your feet, swinging your legs to give you enough momentum to escape and sprawl on him.

Knee-under mount escape: bridge and shrimp. Wedge your bottom knee against his, inside his leg. Extend your upper body while pushing with your knee, levering yourself away from him. Bring your free leg over his hip, similar to the movement used in an omoplata, and lock it down under your bottom leg. Threaten his ankle. If he:

1. Turns into you: set the ankle lock.
2. Turns away from you: lift your top leg off him and sit forward to take the back.

Hand-under mount escape: similar set-up, except you slide your hand under and…do something to escape out the back door.

Shrimp-out mount escape: bridge and shrimp until you can get one leg up for guard, then turn on your other side and do the same until you can fully compose guard.